I Will Bring You The Truth And Ten Sided Dice

By Justin Graham, Level 37 Blademaster of the Plains of Azeroth



Prepare, my friends! Hark, thou who hast awaited long years for a magic missile of truth. With my +6 Typewriter of Journalistic Integrity, I, JGraham, will imbide my wisdom upon you, much as the nature goddess Elune imbibes her druid magics upon the Night Elves in my favorite MMORPG, "World of Warcraft." Truly, friends, a time of greater awareness is nigh!

Much as Tiberium is the mana of the "Command and Conquer" series of real-time strategy games, such is truth my own source of energy. And now, know that I am fully loaded and will cast a circle of protection to keep you safe from the lies that may assail you like so many of Tolkein's Warg-riding Goblins.

Some may say that Bryan Bishop's Adventure Island is less a mass of land and more a stretch of dry land plumbed from the depths by the force of his ego, much like the lost city of R'lyeh is plumbed from the darkness of the great abyss by Cthulhu. I tell you, nothing could be further from the truth. Rather, it is his own watch post from which he can gaze down on us, like Kami and Mr. Popo from the popular anime classic, Dragonball Z.

Here, he watches, and when the time comes, he descends upon us like Wonder Woman, to lasso both truth and integrity from those around us. His jet is not invisible, though he does fill out the bustier very well. Those who would say that Bryan Bishop is a bad person are the same people that prefer Data to Quark.

One day, Bryan will truly break through the veil of mistrust that surrounds him. That day will be richly rewarding, like the Knights of the Round limit break from Final Fantasy 7. On that day, I hope all of you feel as low as Brisco County Jr. did when John Bly shot his father in the premiere of the classic series, "The Adventures of Brisco County Jr." For indeed, you will be as useless as the Path of Sorrows card in Magic: The Gathering. And that's pretty worthless indeed.

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Justin Graham fled to Bryan's Island after murdering someone for calling ".hack//SIGN" slow.