Oh My God, Fake Elections? Oh My God, Dude

By Eddie Bishop, Brother to the Imperial Overlord of Bryan Bishop's Adventure Island

Oh my God, dude, you're at like work and shit and I so guessed your password. "IloveTabitha." Who the fuck is Tabitha? Is that that Mexican chick? Dude, you don't want to go out with a Mexican chick, her brothers will steal your tires while you're in bed with her! HAHAHAHA! God I'm funny.

So anyway, what is this? You're still doing that fake screenwriting thing? Man, what a dumbass. I'm so going to post on it just to make you look stupid. Hey, look at me, I'm Bryan Bishop, I'm a big fat dumbass. Hur hur hur I like boys. Ha ha! Now they'll think you're a huge fag.

Let's see, what is this? Hey, it's Pamela Anderson. Man, I'd tag her shit. And Hollywood Hogan and some child molestor. What is this? Mayoral Election? Oh my God, dude, oh my God. There's a fake town and shit? There's a fake town that goes with the fake screenwriting? Seriously? Shit, dude, that's weak.

Oh dude, I'm so votin' for Pam Anderson. Look at those tits! I don't care if they are fake, I want to just bury my face in 'em. You can't get hepatitis from doing the MOTORBOAT! HAHAHAHAHA! "WEDDING CRASHERS" REFERENCE, GET IT! GET IT! Ah, you're all a bunch of dumbshits.

Dude, if you're going to be such a dickstain, why don't you change your name so people can't google this and find your dumb ass? How about "Princess Bluenuts?" HAHAHAHA! Oh man, you are such a dumb fuck. And I'm totally drinking like three of your beers. If you want beer so bad, why don't you get TABBY to get you some more! HAHAHA! BRYAN AND TABBY, SITTIN' IN A TREE! F-U-C-K-I-N-G! HAHAHAHA! You'd get bark all over your ass, dude.

So yeah, anyway, I'm going to sign off now, "bros." Keep it "real" and keep doing what you're doing, while I keep doing what I'm doing: being hot shit and cooler than all of you. High five... NOT! Oh my God, dude, you totally thought I was going to high five you. Oh my God, dude.

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Eddie Bishop is still a big jerk face.

I Had A Gay Love Affair With Hulk H-- What The Hell, Bryan?

By Shawn "Chocolate Thunder" Wenger, Minister of Bicycles

What the hell, Bryan. I am not going to say I had gay sex with Hulk Hogan just to lessen his chances of winning. You selfish son of a bitch! What about my friends, my family? Did you ever think of that? No, you didn't. God, if it wasn't for all the underage prostit -- if it wasn't for all the money, I'd walk out on this shitty job right now.

No, I'm not going to say -- goddamn it.

In fall of 2005, Hulk Hogan and I engaged in a lengthy love affair. We had sexual intercourse numerous times, and I was totally the chick in it -- WHAT THE FUCK! Byan, you son of a bitch, don't make me say this! Don't... oh Jesus. Oh Jesus, put the gun down. Please, this isn't worth it. We can talk about this. We can -- Um... the love affair continued off an on for several months and I was totally the girl. Hulk Hogan raped me. This is absolutely true and not made up to make him look bad. I swear!

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In his spare time, Wenger totally gets rogered by dudes.

Oh My God Dude, Oh My God

By Eddie Bishop, Brother to the Imperial Overlord of Bryan Bishop’s Adventure Island

Dude, what are you doing in here, we’re supposed to go bowling with Rhonda and Steve, what… what are you doing, dude? Why are you covering up the monitor? Is it porn? Dude, you totally let me have to see if it’s porn. Dude.

Dude. "Bryan Bishop’s Adventure Island?" What the hell is that? Is this what you’ve been doing in here these last few weeks? Let me read. Stop it, dude, or I’m totally going to whale on you. Huh, who’s the black guy with all the medals, isn’t he like… dude, that’s Ghost Dog! That movie owns.

Dude, you totally gotta get out more if this is what you do in your spare time. Shandra was like three months ago, get over her already and come out into the real world. Oh, you guys never heard of Shandra? Bryan caught her in a Tahoe givin’ some guy a BJ, and he starts crying like a little bitch. Oh my God, it was funny as shit.

And then he’s like crying and shit and drinking Boone’s Farm and I’m like laughing because he’s such a pussy. And then he tries to hit me and kick me at the same time. Swear to fuckin’ God. He punch-kicked me. PUNCH-KICKED ME! I fell over laughing like a motherfucker, oh my God.

Oh yeah, man, if you think he’s bad now, you should have seen him in high school. He was so clueless. Until he turned seventeen, I had him convinced that girls had penises. Swear to God. Ha ha!

Hey Bryan, you want a headlock? Can I put you in a headlock? Ha ha! I’m totally putting him in a headlock right now. I bet he starts crying. Cry, Bryan! Cry, you little bitch! Ha ha! I don’t care if you tell Mom.

What do you mean you’re going to let some dude stay on your couch? Dude, I’ve been on this couch for months? You gonna act like a little bitch just because I made fun of you in front of your internet friends? Dude, fuck you, that’s bullshit. Who is he? I’ll kick his ass. Matt Atwood? I’ll be damned if some fuckin’ tree hugger is taking my couch away. You can blow me, I’m not going anywhere.

Oh my God, the first time he got a tug-job, it was so funny, he comes home and he asks me in this quiet voice, "Is it natural for stuff to come out?" I’M SERIOUS! I could have busted a nut myself laughing.

Oh yeah, him and Shandra dated for like years. He was so starry-eyed. He came home and said, "I made love!" Like it’s an episode of Passions or some shit. I asked him what he played… get this… Purple Rain. Bryan Bishop lost his virginity to Purple Rain.

All right Bryan, all right, I’ll get off of here. But my God, dude, you are so wasting your life. Ha! Later, motherfuckers!

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Eddie Bishop is a big jerk face.