By Eddie Bishop, Brother to the Imperial Overlord of Bryan Bishop’s Adventure IslandDude, what are you doing in here, we’re supposed to go bowling with Rhonda and Steve, what… what are you doing, dude? Why are you covering up the monitor? Is it porn? Dude, you totally let me have to see if it’s porn. Dude.
Dude. "Bryan Bishop’s Adventure Island?" What the hell is that? Is this what you’ve been doing in here these last few weeks? Let me read. Stop it, dude, or I’m totally going to whale on you. Huh, who’s the black guy with all the medals, isn’t he like… dude, that’s Ghost Dog! That movie owns.
Dude, you totally gotta get out more if this is what you do in your spare time. Shandra was like three months ago, get over her already and come out into the real world. Oh, you guys never heard of Shandra? Bryan caught her in a Tahoe givin’ some guy a BJ, and he starts crying like a little bitch. Oh my God, it was funny as shit.
And then he’s like crying and shit and drinking Boone’s Farm and I’m like laughing because he’s such a pussy. And then he tries to hit me and kick me at the same time. Swear to fuckin’ God. He punch-kicked me. PUNCH-KICKED ME! I fell over laughing like a motherfucker, oh my God.
Oh yeah, man, if you think he’s bad now, you should have seen him in high school. He was so clueless. Until he turned seventeen, I had him convinced that girls had penises. Swear to God. Ha ha!
Hey Bryan, you want a headlock? Can I put you in a headlock? Ha ha! I’m totally putting him in a headlock right now. I bet he starts crying. Cry, Bryan! Cry, you little bitch! Ha ha! I don’t care if you tell Mom.
What do you mean you’re going to let some dude stay on your couch? Dude, I’ve been on this couch for months? You gonna act like a little bitch just because I made fun of you in front of your internet friends? Dude, fuck you, that’s bullshit. Who is he? I’ll kick his ass. Matt Atwood? I’ll be damned if some fuckin’ tree hugger is taking my couch away. You can blow me, I’m not going anywhere.
Oh my God, the first time he got a tug-job, it was so funny, he comes home and he asks me in this quiet voice, "Is it natural for stuff to come out?" I’M SERIOUS! I could have busted a nut myself laughing.
Oh yeah, him and Shandra dated for like years. He was so starry-eyed. He came home and said, "I made love!" Like it’s an episode of Passions or some shit. I asked him what he played… get this… Purple Rain. Bryan Bishop lost his virginity to Purple Rain.
All right Bryan, all right, I’ll get off of here. But my God, dude, you are so wasting your life. Ha! Later, motherfuckers!
Eddie Bishop is a big jerk face.
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